I WATCHED THE WATCHMEN

Call me a geek, a fan boy, a superhero lover, just don't call me late for dinner--I just had to see WATCHMEN on the day it was released. Since I happened to be furloughed--uh, "off" today, it worked out perfectly, especially since I like to avoid all the teens and out of control fan boys who crowd the movie theater on opening weekend.

Where was I? Oh yes, WATCHMEN. I loved it! Or, I should say, I really, really, really liked this quasi-nihilistic, post-modern, paranoid superhero fantasy adapted faithfully from the graphic novel of the same name. (Sidebar: Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons' "Watchmen" is a legitimate graphic novel, with adult sophistication, complex themes and interwoven plots. I object to the overuse of the term "graphic novel", which should not apply to just any collection of comic book stories involving the same characters.) At times I was shocked by how faithful director Zach Snyder and his screenwriters actually were to the panels of the book. Whole swaths of dialogue are taken verbatim from the novel, sometimes to great effect (usually anything said by Roarshach, played by Jackie Earle Haley) and sometimes not so much (something about the character of The Comedian, played here by Jeffrey Dean Morgan, got lost in translation I think).

As you would expect from the director of THE 300, the movie is visually stunning, especially during a clever montage under the opening credits which lays out everything the uninitiated need to know about the history of Watchmen and the parallel universe the movie inhabits. You will hear critics complain about the length of the movie (a robust two hours and 41 minutes and towards the end it does start to feel like it), but frankly there's a lot of characters and a lot of time jumping going on and it's not like you could easily eliminate a character or a plot point and still have a coherent and faithful movie.

The story is a noirish nightmare tale of what happens when a society decides it doesn't need its "masked heroes" anymore. It is also a total deconstruction of every comic book superhero fable you've ever read or heard about and that is WATCHMEN's greatest genius. Just because someone wears a cool outfit and has the reflexes of a tiger, what gives them the right to call themselves a hero? How do we know they don't deal with the same dysfunctions as everyone else: psychosis, sexual dysfunction, petty jealousy or resentment? As the world stands on the brink of nuclear annihilation, the old band of Watchmen are being murdered or discredited one by one and initially only the sociopath Roarshach suspects it might be part of a master plan. The movie uncovers the plot, the past histories of all of the Watchmen and sets up a battle at the brink of apocalypse. The movie might be long, but it is never dull and it is one of the rare comic book type of story that is not afraid to let the characters express real emotion and talk through a few weighty topics. Just in case I'm making it sound boring, there's enough nudity (giant blue penis!) and broken bones to scare the squeamish away and appeal to the fan boy in all of us.

I'm rambling and I know it, so I'll finish by saying that the cast does a generally good job, with Haley's Roarshach doing the best job and Malin Akerman's Silk Spectre II probably faring the worst (although she looks good naked I have to admit). No matter how much money the movie makes, the studio should resist the temptation to concoct some phony sequel, something that would infuriate much of the novel's fan base and drive Alan Moore even further off the deep end. WATCHMEN is a unique visionary work that may not be for everybody but it certainly stands out from--and above many--superhero movies that have come before.

My Grade: A-

Directed by Zach Snyder. Written by Alex Tse and David Haybert. Stars Billy Crudup, Patrick Wilson, Malik Akerman, Matthew Goode, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Robert Wisden and Jackie Earle Haley. Rated 'R' for comic book violence, profanity, nudity and sexual situations.

Peace...