JUST MAYBE THERE'S SOMETHING TO THIS APOCALYPSE THING...

Where have I been for the last three weeks? Apparently, watching too much bad TV. The thesis for this blogpost: that this may have been the worst week of television in the medium's history. I give you three reasons to support this thesis:

1) The Jake and Vienna interview on The Bachelorette
2) The hysterical coverage of the Lindsay Lohan trial
3) The Decision starring LeBron James, arguably the greatest televised debacle in sports history.

My derision of reality television and reality "relationship shows" in particular is well-documented. But there is something about The Bachelor and The Bachelorette in particular that has always really gotten my goat. I think the fact that people watch with interest these contrived romances cooked up between a preening narcissist and a bevy of overexposed fame-whores is what bothers me more than the actual show itself. We all have a part of us that likes to be a Peeping Tom and an eavesdropper on other people's lives, but real lives lived by real people who are relatable are infinitely more interesting than what happens between people on a reality TV show. Even worse, with every new cycle of every new reality show, the contestants become more aware that they are on a reality show and therefore, in a perverse uniquely 21st century irony, less real.

Jake Pavelka [sp?], last season's contestant in The Bachelor, showed his true colors in ABC's train wreck sit-down interview this past Monday where he was joined with the "winner", Vienna to discuss their tabloid breakup. It was like a scene from Who's Afraid of Virgina Wolff?, but with characters of low intelligence, little self-awareness and a keen eye for milking audience sympathies to spin their story. How a normal person could watch any of that without feeling at least a little nauseous is beyond me.

But that was only the appetizer for this headache inducing week. Lindsay Lohan gave arguably the best performance of her "adult" career in court this week, giving a tearful plea to the judge to try and talk her way out of jail for violating the terms of her parole. Then, the entertainment press had a field day dissecting the ins and outs of this case while the high crimes and misdemeanors of British Petroleum and the oil industry at large continue to go underreported.

Finally came the pinnacle of poop, the steaming pile of crap that was ESPN's THE DECISION. I learned two things that I wasn't sure of from this spectacle--first, ESPN can never again claim to have any kind of meaningful journalistic integrity after they sell out an hour of their prime time to King LeBron James for his own self-serving purposes. Two, LeBron James isn't the player or person I thought he was. No, I'm not surprised he went to Miami to join his playmates, er, new teammates Chris Bosh and DeWayne Wade. Anybody who paid attention to the collusion of those three over the past month or so had to figure that wherever Bosh and Wade wound up, LeBron was likely to follow. But using kids from the Akron Boys & Girls Club as props for his own reality show? Referring to himself in the third person five times in his own interview with his hand-picked, paid under the table interviewer (Jim Gray)? In the future, in the online Merriam Webster dictionary, by the word hubris, there should forever be a picture of LeBron James. I'm not hating on him for his choice--what 25-year old, handsome, multimillionaire wouldn't want to choose Miami, with it's lingerie models, fast living and no state income tax as his chosen place to make a living? But there's a right way and a wrong way to do things and LeBron's way was definitely the wrongest. And there was television to serve it up to us like crack in a spoon. Slurp, slurp, slurp it all down. Try not to retch while you're doing so.

One Good Thing

It wasn't a completely disastrous week on the boob tube...the Primetime Emmy nominations were announced on Thursday and for once, there wasn't much to complain about.

I continued to be baffled by the runaway critical and popular success of GLEE (19 nominations), but this is one of those things I'm willing to admit that I might be in the wrong about. (I'm definitely in the minority.) And did we really need another nomination for Tony Shalhoub? I thought MONK was long gone? On the plus side was all the love for THE GOOD WIFE, FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS (it's first two acting nominations, including one that was long overdue for Connie Britton), MODERN FAMILY, DAMAGES and the HBO biopic TEMPLE GRANDIN (rent it if you haven't seen it!) Oh--and Conan got nominated, but Leno didn't. It would have been sweet to see them go head-to-head in the variety show category, but in a way Leno's omission was even sweeter. Talk about taking it on the chin.

Now, there's probably no way I'm watching the Emmys in September (it is the most unwatchable of the major awards shows), but at least I know who to root for.

Quotes of the Week

Both from Marshall McLuhan, who I could frankly use every single post:

"We drive into the future using only our rearview mirror."

"Television is called a medium because it is neither rare, nor well-done."

Peace...

A QUICKIE WHILE WATCHING TV ON A THURSDAY NIGHT...

My Idiot of the Week



Cleveland Cavaliers guard Delonte West (pictured) was arrested earlier this week for speeding on a three-wheeled motorcycle while carrying two handguns and an automatic rifle in a guitar case. No word on whether or not they located the Thunderdome.

TV Notes

--GREY'S ANATOMY continues to become a parody of its former self. The mannered, stammered dialogue, the extreme melodrama, the constant revolving door of sexual liaisons, the weekly shouting matches, the over-the-top gore...where is the nuance, convincing characterizations that made the show worth watching in the first place? Tracy still watches but me, I've had more than enough.
--The MODERN FAMILY pilot was the funniest half hour of TV I've seen since the "waterwalker" episode of Arrested Development (Season 3) almost four years ago. Hope they can keep it up.
--It's sad and scary that there's more news in one half hour of BBC WORLD NEWS AMERICA than on a week of nightly news from all three major networks combined.
--The gags in COMMUNITY don't always work but at least they're trying something a little bit offbeat.

Haiku News of the Week

Qaddafi waxes
Nonsensically at UN
Delegates scatter

Peace...

THESE ARE MY OBSESSIONS...

New Fall Shows

I'm certainly not going to take the time to try and watch all the new shows and blog about them, but since I still get a thrill out of new television product, I might as well take the time to exercise my semi-creative writing skills and share a few thoughts about the ones that I do watch. If I REALLY like a show, I might write a whole post dedicated to that show's awesomeness, but for now a few quick blurbs should do the trick:

--COMMUNITY (NBC) - Full disclosure: I work for an NBC affiliate so I might have a vested interest in checking out more of the NBC shows. This year, that's not as much of a chore since it does seem that NBC is debuting the majority of the more well-received (or at least more interesting) shows. Community is one of these. It stars Joel McHale (The Soup) as a snarky, fast talking, pop culture obsessed "fake lawyer" who enrolls in a community college to try and earn credits towards an actual law degree. There he encounters an intentionally stereotypical kaleidoscope of fellow students who he somehow cons into forming a Spanish study group--all so he can try to get into the pants of a sharp-tongued blonde hottie played by Gillian Jacobs. The pilot set up a good premise and reveled in its pop culture/80's movies homages (Stripes, John Hughes films, etc.) The show won't make anybody forget Seinfeld or Friends, but it has promise, is willing to give regular roles to Chevy Chase (!) and Dr. Ken Jeong (the nutty gangster from The Hangover!!) and has a decent timeslot. All of which make the show worth checking out on a regular basis. (My early grade: B+)

--THE JAY LENO SHOW (NBC) Ha! See my previous post. But in a nutshell, here's what I think of Leno's "new" show: exactly like his old one except earlier and with more of those lame skits that Conan and Letterman usually do better.

Rockies Baseball

There's nothing quite like the thrill ride of a pennant race. For fans of the Colorado Rockies, of which I am one, it is a rare treat, something that in 17 seasons of baseball we've only legitimately been able to enjoy three times. However, I fear this season may be the first time we have hearts broken.

Sure, the Rox are still in front of the wildcard race (+2 1/2 games as of this writing) and within striking distance of the first place Dodgers (-5 games). But when I've watched them play over the last week and a half, I've seen several things that have given me pause and forced me to temper my optimism about the team's playoff hopes. The most troubling:

--The Rockies continue to lead the National League in strikeouts and they continue to kill potential rallies with swings
at pitches that may be out of the strike zone.
--The only two Rockies hitters that currently have hot bats (Troy Tulowitzki and Yorvit Torrealba, feel free to buy a vowel) have lifetime batting averages under .270. Meaning, they won't stay hot forever.
--Jason Marquis, the erstwhile All-Star starting pitcher, is disappearing before our eyes. Of course, this isn't surprising since he's historically been a stud before the All-Star break and a pure journeyman after it. Problem is, with San Francisco, Florida and Atlanta breathing down the Rockies necks, they can't afford to have one or two horrible starts each time through the rotation when they're already not hitting.
--The bullpen looks like it's starting to wear down. Huston Street can't come back soon enough...he should pitch a little on
Sunday and we'll see how he looks.
--Key Rockies are battling through injuries that are more debilitating than they appear, but they also can't afford to stay out of the lineup. Aaron Cook is out of the rotation, Street is out of the bullpen, Todd Helton and Dexter Fowler have very sore legs and both Ian Stewart and Troy Tulowitzki are one bad swing away from being out of commission with back injuries.
--Most damning of all, the look in the eyes of some of the players on the current road trip suggests the panic and the
overeagerness to live up to expectations that killed this team in 2008 and got Clint Hurdle fired at the beginning of 2009.
They need to learn to relax and focus on doing what them got from fourth place to the top of the wildcard chase in the first place.

It has been said that losing builds character. That's actually not true. Losing builds losing. But from the fan's perspective, losing a playoff spot after once having a 5 1/2 game lead with less than 25 games to play builds something else much more important.

High blood pressure.

Peace...

THE FALL TV SEASON

It's time for my quick take on the 2008-09 television season. In an increasingly irrelevant medium, it seems to me there are actually more decent options than there used to be on the boob tube. Perhaps desperation breeds inspiration? Maybe only time will tell.

Anyway, I have categorized the shows I'm familiar with into the "Must See", "Worth A Look" and "Avoid at all Costs" categories between both new and returning shows. Shows where I've only seen part of the episode, an online preview or even just a commercial are indicated by italics. For a few of the shows, I may have a more in-depth review or analysis in a later post.

Without further adieu, here's what I think of what's on my TV. Enjoy and feel free to come back with your own comments or suggestions!
------------------------------------
NEW SHOWS

Must See*: Fringe, Life On Mars, The Mentalist, Kath & Kim, 90210 (no, I'm not kidding), My Own Worst Enemy.

* - lists not inclusive of all TV shows.

Worth A Look: Worst Week, Privileged, Sons of Anarchy, First Blood (HBO), The Ex List, Crusoe.

Avoid At All Costs: Gary Unmarried (easily the worst new show of the new season), Raising the Bar, Do Not Disturb (it sounds like this one was already cancelled, so don't worry), The Eleventh Hour, Knight Rider and all the new reality/game shows except for maybe Stylista (from the makers of America's Next Top Model).

RETURNING SHOWS

The Best of the Best - Must See: Mad Men, The Shield, The Office, 30 Rock, Battlestar Galactica (not until January '09), Pushing Daisies, Everybody Hates Chris.

Worth A Look or Two: Heroes (slipping, slipping...), The Sarah Connor Chronicles, Gossip Girl, How I Met Your Mother, The Big Bang Theory, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, Greek, Grey's Anatomy (but after the premiere, the "shark" might be circling), America's Next Top Model, Saturday Night Live (but it's a must see until the election), My Name Is Earl, House, Family Guy, The Simpsons, King of the Hill, all the topical news magazines and interview shows.

Avoid at All Costs: everything else.

Peace...