DOUBLE FEATURE BLOG

Hello R-fans!! Today we have two whole posts for the price of one! Or, as I like to call it, a typically overstuffed blog. So let's get to it:

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The Finale of my 2006 Movie Awards

I'm sure there are plenty of deserving people not on this list, but I'm not a professional critic and I have a day job and responsibilities, so I'm making my judgements known based on my sample size, which is about 53 new releases from 2006. So, I've had people tell me what great performances were given by the likes of Helen Mirren, Ryan Gosling, Penelope Cruz and Edward Norton last year but I haven't seen their movies yet, so I don't know. And I don't believe in dragging year-end lists out into February or March, so this will have to do. As always, I'm interested in what you think and I'm always looking for a new movie or performance to add to my filmgoing/Neflix list. In the acting and directing categories, I have chosen my four or five favorite performances and put my choice for number one in ALL CAPS:

Best Actor

FOREST WHITAKER, The Last King of Scotland
Sasha Baron Cohen, Borat
Will Smith, The Pursuit of Happyness
Tommy Lee Jones, The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada
Christian Bale, The Prestige

My comment: In a rare "soft" year for standout lead actor performances, Whitaker's portrayal of Idi Amin dominated his movie and stands out as one of the great "biopic" performances of all time. On this one, the critics are dead on.

Best Actress

Keke Palmer, Akeelah and the Bee
Gretchen Mol, The Notorious Bette Page
MERYL STREEP, The Devil Wears Prada

My comment: I admit it--I need to see The Queen and Volver (at the very least) to get a real sense of the best lead actress performances from 2006. But Mol's inclusion is not a misprint and not a joke. She finally gave a great performance in the role of Bette Page, a decade after she showed up on the cover of VANITY FAIR as one of the most overhyped, underachieving starlets in a generation.

Best Supporting Actress

Lily Tomlin, A Prairie Home Companion
JENNIFER HUDSON, Dreamgirls
Adriana Barranza, Babel
Jodie Foster, Inside Man
Maggie Gyllenhaal, World Trade Center
Abigail Breslin, Little Miss Sunshine

My comment: This year is overloaded with great supporting performances and I know there's a lot I missed. But I wanted to make sure that underrated turns by Tomlin and Gyllenhall weren't overlooked. Of my "pick six", expect the Academy to award only Hudson with an Oscar nomination.

Best Supporting Actor

Leonardo DiCaprio, The Departed
MATT DAMON, The Departed
Mark Wahlberg, The Departed
Jack Nicholson, The Departed
Michael Pena, World Trade Center
Eddie Murphy, Dreamgirls

My comment: Damon did his best work since The Talented Mr. Ripley. From now until Oscar Sunday though, all you'll hear about is Eddie Murphy vs. Jack Nicholson. Both performances are worthy although Nicholson had a lot more to do in his movie.

Best Director - MARTIN SCORSESE, The Departed.
Best Original Screenplay - Little Miss Sunshine by Michael Arndt. A lot of people were fans of the scripts for Babel and Stranger Than Fiction, but I found the former to be too much a retread of the superior 21 Grams and the latter to be just too trite.

Best Adapted Screenplay - (tie) The Prestige by Jonathan and Christopher Nolan and The Departed by William Monahan, based on a movie by Alan Mak and Felix Chong.

Most Strangely Enjoyable Bad Movie - (tie) Superman Returns, Let's Go to Prison.

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Post#2: You Might Be An Asshole If...

With respects to Jeff Foxworthy, who is an underrated comedian, here's a helpful guide:

--You might be an asshole if you hear quiet, angry muttering every time you walk past your co-workers.

--You might be an asshole if you make love to your wife and it's always angry love. But only from her.

--You might be an asshole if you actively root for the Oakland Raiders or wear silver and black jerseys on Sundays.

--You might be an asshole if you own the Washington Redskins. Or think that the term "redskin" is cool.

--You might be an a-hole if you've never fought in a war but think sending more troops into a quagmire might turn the tide.

--You might be an asshole if you blast the car stereo in your Hummer at maximum volume, rattling the windows of your fellow commuters.

--See the previous line, but substitute a Chevy Aveo for a Hummer. You still might be an asshole. In fact, let's go with probably on that one and add the term, "idiot".

--You might be an asshole if you blow cigarette smoke in someone's face in a confined space. This tip applies even if you apologize halfheartedly.

--You are definitely an asshole if you blow cigarette smoke out of your anus. But at least that would be funny.

--You might be an asshole if your name rhymes with Maris Filton.

--If you get more than one person a week hanging up on you during a phone conversation, you might be an asshole.

--If you see four Mexicans in a beat-up old car and you think to yourself, "illegal aliens", you might be an asshole.

--If you're a cab driver with an empty cab and you speed past a black man in a suit to pick up someone of a different race, you're not an asshole. But you are a racist.

--If you've ever made fun of an overweight person, but you can't see your toes when you look straight down, you're an asshole and a half.

--If you've read this part of the blog and you have never encountered any of this behavior or don't know what I'm talking about, please send me an email with your address. I want to live where you do.

T.A.F.N. Peace...