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9:45 a.m.
I arrive at the San Diego Convention Center, a gigantic edifice spanning the equivalent of three and a half city blocks, and I discover that even though I had preregistered online, I would have to wait in a block long line outside to get in (the convention opened it's doors at 10 a.m.) The plan was for me to meet Zubin and his friend Gabe once I got inside at the top of the escalators by registration. It was only when I reached into my shorts' pocket as I stood in the broiling hot sun that I realized I had forgotten the 2nd most important item I would need after my registration form--my cell phone. I'd had it in the car before I got dropped off, but apparently it had fallen out of my pocket. Now, I had the daunting task of trying to hook up with Zubin and Gabe amidst a crowd of over 75,000 people without being able to call them on my phone. I immediately pounded my head and called myself an idiot, while keeping my eyes peeled for any sign of my friends.
While slowly shuffling into the convention center I noticed one disturbing thing. I expected more people wearing costumes from Star Wars and STAR TREK, but I didn't expect there to be so many young, scantily clad, reasonably attractive young women in bizarre, revealing outifits. One woman in front of me had painted her skin sparkly blue--and I could see quite a lot of it. This did not meet my preconception of what a "nerd convention" would be like. I decided to turn my attention away from Mama Smurf and keep my eyes out for Zubin.
10:19 a.m.
Finally I am inside and it is cool! (Cool as in air conditioned, I mean.) I wonder to myself why I bothered to shower, since now I am soaked in sweat. I position myself at the prearranged meeting place and study the day's schedule, making a mental note of the highlights: got to get in line early to see filmmaker Kevin Smith who speaks at 1 pm...but the panel featuring the makers of the TV show LOST doesn't end until 12, which could be dicey; the cast and director of Spider-Man 3 are scheduled for the main hall at 6 p.m., but what to do about dinner?
I wait for Zubin or Gabe to show up and I never see them--it's amazing how modern society has progressed to the point where meeting anyone in a crowded place is just about impossible without a cell phone. I decide to go downstairs to see if I missed them, but then remembering that two bodies in motion are less likely to make contact then if one body remains fixed, I decide to go back to the original meeting place. I wait there until 11:00, and then remembering that $30 is a lot of money to waste for standing in a lobby all day, I decide to try and make it to the LOST panel. Besides, Zubin is a LOST fan, maybe he decided to head there. I get in the line to go into the ballroom and then seconds later a convention worker (conventioneer?) informs us that the room is full. Merde!
A white dude in a ponytail and dirty T-shirt is staring at me. I give him a look and he finally says. "Are you the dude that does the voice of Dubois on THE BOONDOCKS?" I politely tell him that it's not me, although I'd love to have that job and I set of in the direction of food, because I am starving and maybe a little dehydrated. On the way to the hot dog stand, a battalion of people in storm trooper costumes from Star Wars marches through the hall. Everyone looks on in respect. I am laughing a little under my breath, then look around and notice that I am the only person doing this. I stop laughing.
11:17 a.m.
Four dollars for a hot dog with nothing on it. Hits the spot though. In my next career maybe I'll become a convention food vendor. Still no sign of Zubin or Gabe. It's starting to look hopeless.
11:38 a.m.
I head down to the main floor to get in line for Kevin Smith. Not only do Iwant to make sure that I am in line for Smith, but I know Zubin is a huge fan so chances are he'll be in line too. A woman wearing a micro-mini skirt with a tail sticking out the back and giant latex ears asks me if I know where the anime panel is. I have no idea, but I marvel that she was able to create such a realistic looking tail.
I arrive a bit too early at the hall where Kevin Smith is scheduled, but I am able to walk right in and sit in the back while the makers and actors from the upcoming film The 300 finish discussing the project. Adapted from a Frank Miller graphic novel (I have learned that Miller is one of the gods of graphic novel-dom), the project stars Gerard Butler as one of the leaders of a battalion of vicious but brilliant soldiers from ancient Sparta, the setting of the graphic novel and movie. The cast is very witting and charming, as they always are at this type of thing, but then Frank Miller says something that really resonates with me.
"I'm tired of movies that try to reassure us," he says gruffly. And indeed, after they screen a trailer from The 300*, there is nothing reassuring about this movie, which looks like a gory graphic novel sprung to life. It's dark, violent, unsettling and strangely sexy and it looks like it is almost certain to have an unhappy ending and nothing reassuring. Hollywood needs to make more movies like this, even in unsettling times. Suddenly, I find myself an unabashed admirer of Frank Miller.
11:55 a.m. - 1:10 p.m.
In line for Kevin Smith...it's kind of like waiting for Godot. Then, horrifically, they herd the entire half-mile long line outside into the broiling sun. This is testing my desire to hear Smith speak not to mention my very will to live. And the line ain't moving. Where are Zubin and Gabe?
Next installment: falling in love with Rosario Dawson, Kristen Bell shows us her booty and Superman makes a mighty impression. Oh, and Ray Bradbury talks dirty...
Peace.
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