1. If you sneeze in public, cover your mouth.
2. If you are kissing your significant other in a public place, make sure you keep your hands out of each other's pants/skirts. There's time for that after you're no longer in public.
3. When getting off an elevator, let the ladies out first (the exception - if the elevator is jampacked, or very slow, then it makes sense just to exit as soon as possible).
4. When getting on an elevator, kindly step aside and let somebody exiting leave first.
5. Only 12-year old boys and people with no olfactory glands think it's okay or amusing to fart on an elevator.
6. When driving on a freeway, it is okay to occasionally let people merge onto the freeway. They may do it for you some day.
7. The polite turnaround time for answering someone's personal email is within 24 hours as long as you (or the person who wrote to you) is not away from their main computer on vacation or otherwise indisposed. Any longer indicates you don't really care that much to talk to them.
8. You may never chew with your mouth open and it is not okay to continually smack your gum.
9. If you cannot make it to a previously planned social engagement, the polite thing to do is to call at least an hour before the meeting to inform the organizer that you cannot attend. The exceptions: an emergency on the way to the engagement or an "act of God".
10. Do not close or slam a door in someone's face when entering or leaving a building.
11. Belching is actually good for you, but it should never be done in public gatherings or loudly.
12. Do not dress your pets better than you dress your children. Should go without saying, but I mention it anyway--this also goes for feeding your pets and children.
13. Always wear sunscreen--just kidding! (Remember that song based on the "Kurt Vonnegut" speech from a few years ago?) Actually though, it's not bad advice.
14. If a homeless person says hello to you on the street it is polite to say hello back but you don't have to give them any money (although you certainly aren't going to hell if you do have some spare change to share).
15. Just because you're in your car, it doesn't mean that no one can see what you're doing (unless you have one of those vehicles with the illegally tinted windows). So avoid doing anything in a car that would get you arrested if you did it on the street. Also avoid picking your nose, unless you're absolutely sure no one can see you.
If we all did these things, don't you think life would be a lot better, safer and nicer? I know I'd be happier.
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A Quick Shout Out to New Music
The summer music buying season is upon us with a vengeance and I can tell you that the last two weeks have been a bonanza for music lovers with excellent, or at least damn interesting, new releases from Gomez, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Nick Lachey and Paul Simon. I can tell you that I didn't know what to expect from the Simon album, Surprise, but it already sounds like one of the best and most inventive pop albums of the year (producer Brian Eno gets a major share of the credit for that). Simon's voice is strong, the arrangements crisp and his lyrics have nearly returned to their Rhythm of the Saints/Graceland level. Stadium Arcadium, the long-awaited double album from the RHCP also will not disappoint--it's sprawling and maybe a bit overambitious at times, but it's also funky, soulful, surprisingly serious and lyrically superior to any of the Peppers' admittedly uneven previous albums. As for Lachey, check out my fiance's review on her blog. It won't be a waste of your time, I promise!
For now, peace...
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