IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR...

It's December 23rd and the holidays are here, which means it's that special time of year when, yes, that's right, I lay out my favorites from the previous year in movies, TV and music. I'm sorry I've been away for a while, because now we've got a lot of catching up to do, especially with all the big Oscar contending movies coming out, but...wait, hold on a second, my annoying cousin from Orange County, Braydon, wants to add something and do some sort of joint blog thing. Since he's visiting for the holidays, I guess I should humor him, so here we go--

R (me): OK, what do you want? Is your laptop plugged in properly?

Braydon: Yo cuz, it's all good. Don't worry about it, I'm the computer expert here. This your blog?

R: Um, yeah. Been doing it for about two years off and on. What do you think?

B: Man, you call this a blog? Where's the photos of drunken celebrities? Where are the hotties in wet t-shirts? You don't even have any good gossip!

R: Braydon--

B: Yo, call me Bray. "B to the R to the A to the Y."

R: How about I call you meatball? God, I can't believe my aunt stuck you with me for the whole weekend!--

B: Man, I hate Hell-Ay too, but you're supposed to take us to the Getty and shit tomorrow and then we're doing the whole family Christmas get-together thing. Wasn't my idea! But I'm glad I saw your sorry blog, because now I can liven it up with some of the Bray sizzle, my hizzle!

R: What are you saying? You live in Orange County, why are you trying to sound like Snoop Dogg at a Crip barbecue?

B: Is that your idea of a joke, yo? Seriously man, nobody cares what you think about stuff? Who are you, Roger Ebert?

R: I see a lot of movies, Bray...more than most people and I feel like I have a responsibility to separate the wheat from the chaff, to help people maximize their entertainment choi--

B: Blah blah. You see a lot of movies and you like to show off that fact. That's all that shit's about.

R: By the way, B to the R to the A to the Y, only I get to cuss in this blog, and then only sparingly, so watch yourself.

B: What are you, like 60 years old? Dayum! Is that what you'll be on Monday?

R: Shhhh! They don't need to know when my birthday is, and no I won't be sixty! Jeez--

B: Don't have a heart attack old man. But you need to put more personal details into your blog. If you don't have the inside dirt like perezhilton.com, then you need to use your blog as a kind of confessional. Stuff like, "today I'm very irregular, so I drank a half a bottle of Metamucil." It might seem lame, but people eat that sh--crap up.

R: Ha ha, very funny! I'm not going to turn this into a forum for my bowel movements.

B: Some people might argue that you already have.

R: You know, I've had just about enough of you. Why don't you go back and watch reruns of Lauren on Laguna Beach or something? Maybe catch a wave and light a spliff, you're really getting on my nerves!

B: What do you know about spliffs? And I hate Laguna Beach. Spoiled ass crackers! Shows what you know...don't you have any celebrity news? That's what people want to hear.

R: I saw Rainn Wilson, the guy that plays Dwight on THE OFFICE, in the men's room at the Sherman Oaks Galleria after I saw SYRIANA. Now that's one of the best movies of the year--

B: Yo, really? Does he have a schlong?

R: What?

B: Dwight from The Office? How's he hung? Did you check out his weenie?

R: I don't check out other men's penises in the Men's Room you imbecile. God, you've lowered the IQ of my blog by about forty-five points.

B: Yeah, but I've raised the Q level of your blog by like a 100 points. Anybody googling penis, schlong, celebrity or poop--and that's a lot of people--they'll be led right to your site.

R: Well...that's a good point. But I just want to do my movie reviews now and maybe give my picks for the 5 best movies of the year.

B: How could you do the 5 Best when you haven't even seen AEON FLUX yet?

R: Somehow I don't think that'll be a problem--

B: Or KING KONG?

R: Okay, you might have a point there--

B: You want me to download some bikini bitches onto your site? I know some girls at the Community College who will--

R: Okay, that's enough from you Bray--

I promise to write about something interesting and get you that review of SYRIANA--and maybe KING KONG--right after Christmas. I apologize for my idiot cousin--he's only 24 and a college dropout and he thinks he knows shit, but, well you saw how he is. He's only staying through the holidays.

Hey, write me with suggestions for my blog. I don't want to bore the web surfing audience, so if there's anything you'd like me to write about--other than poop or the size of Rainn Wilson's penis--feel free to let me know.

Happy Holidays to all out there and let Peace and Freedom ring!!