LOOK WHO'S BACK...

Call me Not-So-Slim Shady, or my Indian name, He Who Blogs Every New Moon. Okay, not my actual Native American name, but that's how it feels. How do people who blog every day do it? I don't have time to sit in a coffee shop all day and muse about this and that. I've got to pay bills, watch TV and be an obedient little American consumer Goddammit! So cut me some slack and strap yourself in for Mr. R's wild ride. Or better yet, get your own damn blog. I think there might be nine or ten people in North America who don't have one yet. By the way, if something I have to say provokes you, don't hesitate to drop me a note, I welcome your input, really...

Unless your name is Karl Rove. Then I just want you to turn yourself into a federal grand jury somewhere and stop fucking up my country. The Good Ol' USA might not have ever been perfect, but at least it was liveable and prospering before you took charge...

Just For Fun
There are four state capitals that begin with the letter "H". Can you name them? I'll even spot you one...Honolulu (Hawaii). No fair looking it up--see how long it takes you without Googling!

Enough Already...
Speaking of Hawaii, the rainiest place in the United States, and possibly the entire world, is on top of Mt. Waimeia on Kauai, which gets an average of 460 inches of rain per year. If the Southern California News Principle were applied to a mythical TV station located on the mountaintop, then every time there was a sunny day some reporter in a straw hat would be standing there reporting about the "dangerous levels of sunshine" pouring down on the mountain and how "Doppler radar" would track the "ominous golden orb" as it cuts a "bright, burning swath" across the Emerald Island.

Enough already! LA schools are in disrepair and overcrowded, a dangerous gang war has restarted on the South Side and some musclebound ex-movie star has hijacked the statehouse and you want to devote hours and hours of coverage on the local TV to RAIN SHOWERS?! If you live anywhere else in the country and you're reading this, be glad you have real weather.

Unless you live in Hawaii. In which case, shut up, you've got nothing to complain about...

The NHL Is Back Too
Yes, ice hockey is back but forgive me if I don't do somersaults. I know there's more scoring in a typical game this year than in the dressing room of the Pussycat Dolls after the late show, but I wonder if the geniuses that run hockey would have to trick up their game so much if they hadn't spent the past year plus pissing on the fans?

Best & Worst of the New TV Season
The new season has been around long enough for most new shows to establish if they'll have staying power; the lowest rated shows have already been cancelled while the highest rated new shows have their "buzz" and returning favorites like Lost are obsessed over. My quick hitting thoughts--

**Best New Show So Far - My Name Is Earl (NBC). Every episode is fast, funny and furious. Jason Lee is great as the title character and the premise is crackerjack--they have material for at least 256 episodes, as Earl tries to make good with everyone he has wronged in his life to "improve his karma." Runner-up - Everybody Hates Chris (UPN)
**Worst New Show - (tie) the already cancelled Inconceivable (NBC) and Love, Inc. (UPN) which should be cancelled as a favor to anyone who owns a TV set.
**Returning Show That's Thisclose To "Jumping the Shark" - Lost (ABC)
**Best Potential New TV Star - Tyler Christopher Williams as young Chris Rock on Everybody Hates Chris. Runner-up - Wentworth Miller as the younger brother executing the prison escape in Prison Break (Fox).
**Best New Villain - Donald Sutherland as the Speaker of the House on Commander In Chief (ABC).
**Old Show That Most Needs To Be Cancelled (and soon) - (tie) ER (NBC) and Will & Grace (NBC).

Two Sixty-Word or less Movie Reviews
A History of Violence (my rating - B+): Viggo Mortensen gives a knockout peformance as Tom Stall, owner of a small town diner who becomes a hero one day when he violently foists two robbers, leading to a turn of events that threatens to unravel his life and the life of his seemingly idyllic Midwestern family. Watch for a hilarious/scary supporting turn by William Hurt.

In Her Shoes (my rating A-): A little longer than it needs to be (by about 20 minutes) but Cameron Diaz, Shirley MacLaine and Toni Collette are all winning as a long-separated family that learns to reconnect and forgive old hurts and misunderstandings in this dramedy based on Jennifer Weiner's best seller. Not as sappy as it sounds, trust me.

And Finally...
Hurricane Wilma has formed in the south Caribbean Sea, with a possible weekend landfall somewhere in Florida. This tells me two things: one, Mother Nature knows no limits to her cruelty and two, God really hates the Bushes, both Dubya and his big brother Jeb, the Florida governor. If you're still a Bush supporter, don't you think it's time to start paying attention to the Big Fella upstairs? Or do you need another dozen hurricanes to sway you?

Until we meet again--soon--peace...